Letter to My Teenage Self

Hey Zooks,
It is 2012. Unless you count electronic mail, no-one really writes letters anymore. I communicate with my friends via BBM, WhatsApp, and Facebook (you will know what this is when you come to the future). So, don’t waste your time paying attention to Sister Aloysius in English on the ‘art of letter writing’ but, you do need to pay attention to everything else in English class because your future job is as a writer. And on that writer note, you will hang out with some of the big names right now, and be friends with some future literary giants. Seriously.
Lose the Hammer pants. I know you think they are cool now but when Susan Chiutsi shows you photos of yourself wearing those Hammer pants as an adult, you will be wondering what was wrong with you. In other words, you will find out that you do not have to follow fashion all the time.
Kiss that St. Ignatius boy you have a crush on next time you go to the disco already. When you are grown, you will finally kiss him based on this crush. You will find out he’s a lousy kisser. You will realize that if you had kissed him earlier you would have known this and got over him faster. And still on boys, you are NOT going to marry your first boyfriend. Chill on ingratiating yourself to his parents and siblings because when you break up it will be difficult to break up with them.
When mom gives you money for computer classes during the holidays, lie to her that you are going. Instead, use the money to go to the movies, buy books, or even an afternoon session clubbing at Turtles. MS-DOS and Lotus 1-2-3 will not help you in future. Right now, the teenagers who are reading this are asking themselves what that is.
You know how everyone is writing in their auto books Dreamland: Hawaii? Well you, lucky girl, will actually get to stay there and make some lifelong friendships. There is a guy called Barack from there who will become the first black President of the United States. Sorry. He will not be one of the people you will meet during your time in Hawaii. You will hang out with his wife later when you are an important writer though (well, sort of).
If you think your mom is cool now, wait till you meet her at 60 something…she will have a cooler music collection than you.
That bald head that looks so happening on R.Kelly right now? It shall no longer be something that just looks good on him and Aaron Hall. In your later life it shall be de rigueur for both genders. You too will sport it. And everyone, apart from your son who wants you to have a weave like other mothers, will think you are totally rocking it.
Oh, and no matter how old you get? You will never have any certainty to that question that you and everyone at St. Dominic’s keep discussing: Whether Father Berridge and Sister Elaine really had anything going on or were just good friends.

Cheers,
Your Thirty Something Old Self.

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6 thoughts on “Letter to My Teenage Self

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